My Philosophy

I'm a couples therapist who helps couples get through an infidelity crisis. I help them either repair trust and rebuild their relationship better, or cut their losses and move on.

My take is that the reason they are struggling is they don't know what steps to take to repair the broken trust. Instead of fixing things they shut down, become defensive, and make things worse. Without a roadmap of what to do to get through this crisis, the high intensity of emotions causes partners to feel absolutely crazy and to act in ways that hurt each other more and keep them stuck.

Too many couples wait too long to get professional guidance after an affair comes to light, and they mess things up further. Shoving things under the rug, telling conflicting stories, or making impulsive decisions might feel good in the moment, but it's bad news for the future of the relationship. It's like a broken bone that wasn't set right. It is a constant source of ache and inflammation YEARS into the future.
It's easy to stay together after betrayal. Research estimates that about 70% of couples do. What's difficult is achieving true reconciliation and emotional closeness. Many people who stay together end up in unhappy “zombie marriages” where further betrayals are tolerated as a fact of life.

With the right couples therapy, you can restore trust and the relationship will be more authentic, honest, and intimate than it was even before the betrayal happened.

However, I do NOT believe in reconciliation at any cost. If partners are unwilling or unable to do what it takes to repair trust, I will help you to look at the situation honestly. My wish is that you feel free to stay with your partner or leave your partner, and we can consider all of the options carefully.

What I think couples dealing with betrayal need most is a concrete plan for restoring trust. They need to know when they are on the right track, to stay and keep trying, and when it's time to consider leaving.


Being happy together is possible after betrayal. But it takes hard work, especially in the early days after an affair comes to light. If you do it right, the worst part takes a few months up to a year. Without restoring trust/credibility, it’s impossible to move up the pyramid because being around someone who you think is untrustworthy puts the nervous system in a state of threat. When you feel threatened it is impossible to think clearly. This makes it hard to understand each other and collaborate on creating a future together and puts reconnection and intimacy out of reach. Many people struggle to restore trust in the early stages of the crisis, but trust and credibility are necessary to move forward.

Whether you work with me or not, it is important to find a knowledgeable guide who knows the terrain and can help you make a plan. Not all couples therapists are trained in helping couples deal with betrayal, and bad therapy can make it worse. My wish is that couples who want to do this work can find the proper support. With guidance to keep you out of common pitfalls you can get through this.